Monday, March 17, 2008
i often wonder who reads my blog.
well i know there a few but still. if only it was like friendster and i could know who tagged my board it would be so nice. wished there were some positive criticism! HA maybe not.
i bet there would be more negative than postive ones. oh well.
tomorrow is finals, i cant believe that im already walking down the road of graduation. i wonder how does it feels , that day, the last day that you write a fullstop on your exam paper. the last final exam paper, that very last fullstop is perhaps the last fullstop you ever will put as a student, well at least as a bachelor degree university student. i bet my mom would cry so much she can't stop cause shes so touched.
yet right now im just doing nothing and stoning. sometimes i wonder if im a useless son.
i also wonder how come there are so many different type of people.
people who are afraid of different things, people who worry for different things. its feels weird though. its kinda amazing though, that many people worry for different things, yet some people can be still be postive over the same things.
when i wish for my life to be better, then i ask myself what have i done to make it better. - none. other than spending my parent's money ( not excessively ) i just do nothing. nothing productive or constructive. spending my time at cafe, drinking coffee and just enjoying the warmth of sun and the breeze from the wind, killing time and doing my best a lazy bum.
i don't even look back on my entries, not my blog entries too. honestly, im tooo scared. im so scared of the past, even though many of the entries contained my most wonderful memories ever. i just can't do it, cause im so scared i would be reminded of so many unhappy things, or worse still see how much i changed. i bet the only one who knows how much i changed over the past few years are those who are close to me, especially when im in america. perhaps only mr bruin?
its nice isnt it, to press a reset button and everything will be reset. better still if you can keep pressing reset button if you meet any failures in life, just like a playstation game unit.
they say life is a like a book, like a game, like a show.
perhaps life is similar to computer games. the creator is god, and we're people inside the games. going on and on with lifes, when we sleep is when the playstation unit is swtiched off and off. ( new games have alternate endings ). meaning depending on what you do in the game, you can have alternate ending. when we see the ending, its when the disc stops, and our life ends?
i so don't treasure life. everytime when a chance is given to me. i take it and throw it away unconcsiously.
i guess in life i just have to create chance for myself. depending on others? perhaps its better that you depend on yourself. i really wish to meet someone who hides everything inside. i don;t know why, but i find it great to meet someone like that. especially when i can get to know the inner self of a person it makes me happy. maybe its because only then i can start to open my inner self to others.
nevermind, im just reading crap. as i have always said, perhaps when i wake up i would have forgotten that i typed this entry.
well.
shiken wo ganbatte ne.
mirai no tameni, jinsei de ganbarimashou.